


In which Ruby doesn't know she's beautiful

by Velocibirb



Category: RWBY
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Autistic Ruby Rose (RWBY), Body Dysphoria, Body Image, Dialogue Heavy, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Gender Dysphoria, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Light Angst, Not Beta Read, Self-Esteem Issues, Trans Female Character, Trans Female Ruby Rose (RWBY), body image issues, except Blake is still a Faunus because kitty, reassurance, showering together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-08
Updated: 2020-04-08
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:28:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23542369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Velocibirb/pseuds/Velocibirb
Summary: Ruby Rose, autistic transgirl extraordinaire, has never been a looker. So what? It’s not like she feels unlovable, or anything! She has her sister, Yang, and Yang’s girlfriend, Blake! And her father, Taiyang! Who needs to be pretty when you have family? Ruby Rose is loved, and that’s enough for her.It should be enough.Why isn’t it enough?
Relationships: Ruby Rose/Weiss Schnee, background Blake Belladona/Yang Xiao Long
Comments: 35
Kudos: 250





	In which Ruby doesn't know she's beautiful

**Author's Note:**

> This started out as an excerpt of a ventfic, but I think it stands on its own without preliminary chapters of Ruby-angst or further comfort. Might write and post it later if I feel like it.
> 
> Anyways, trans Ruby is very near and dear to my heart, and I've wanted to write something about her for ages. Hope you enjoy.

Ruby flops down on the bed. “God, I’m so tired, Weiss. Why do we even go to class again?”

Weiss ignores her. “At least take off your corset if you’re going to pass out, Ruby, for fuck’s sake.”

“I’m serious! My engineering class won’t let me anywhere _near_ the power tools!”

“Let me,” Weiss sighs. “You didn’t even take off your _boots?”_

“I’m tiiiired.”

“Honestly, Ruby, if you weren’t so gorgeous...” Weiss pinches the bridge of her nose as she trails off, shaking her head. Rolling her eyes, she kneels to unlace Ruby’s combat boots.

“Me? Gorgeous?” Ruby laughs. “I know you’re blind in one eye, but _damn,_ Weissy.”

Weiss snorts. “I can see you just fine, don’t fish for compliments.” She pulls a boot from Ruby’s foot a tad more violently than she needed to. “Shut up, you beautiful dolt.”

“You’re the beautiful one here,” Ruby says. She tugs her leg away from Weiss as the other boot pops off. “I mean, like, how is your hair still so perfect? We’ve been out all day! And your eyes are so bright and blue and pretty and you’re so slender and strong and-”

“I know, Ruby,” Weiss says. “You don’t need to remind me every time I so much as mention that you’re pretty.”

“I know you know, I just-” Ruby chokes. “I know, it’s just- you know you don’t have to do this for me, right?”

“Do what now?”

“Y’know. Lie to me.”

Weiss’s brain stops for a second. “Excuse me?”

Ruby stares at the ground. She tugs her legs up on the bed, looping an arm around them. “I’m not pretty, Weiss. You don’t need to pretend I am.”

“How _dare_ you!” Weiss fumes. “Who do you think you are to say such things about my girlfriend?!”

“Your girlfriend?”

“You dolt, shut your mouth! Your lovely, kissable mouth!”

“Weiss,” Ruby says. “Please.”

“What do you think I like you for, your personality?”

“Weiss.”

She pauses for a moment, her nostrils flaring. It takes a moment of looking with her good eye before Weiss sees that Ruby’s crying, tear tracks silently making their way down her cheeks.

“Weiss, I’m sorry.”

“You genuinely don’t think you’re pretty?”

“It doesn’t matter what I think.” Ruby shakes her head. She blinks out another tear. “I’m _not_ pretty, Weiss. I’ll never be like you, or Blake, or Yang, or-”

“You’re _pretty,_ Ruby,” Weiss snaps. “A Schnee only settles for the best. If I didn’t think you were pretty, why would I be dating you?”

“You love me.”

“I’m _physically attracted_ to you, you dunce. Would I lie to you?”

“Yes.”

“No!” Weiss groans. “Do you remember all the times I’ve insulted you to your face? Would I do that if I wanted to spare your feelings? I may be many things, Ruby Rose, but I am not dishonest. I tell the truth, even when it hurts. _Especially_ when it hurts.”

“I-” Ruby sniffles. She wipes her face with the back of her hand, mascara staining her skin. “You- you really think I’m pretty?”

Weiss rolls her eyes.

“I just-” Ruby buries her head between her knees. “Nobody’s ever told me that before.”

“Nonsense,” Weiss says. There’s a bit of bite in her voice still, but it’s far from sharp. “I’ve _seen_ your family. We live with Blake and Yang. Do you have any idea how often your sister tells you so?”

“She’s family.”

“What about Blake, then?” Weiss crosses her arms. “Ruby, she’s practically your biggest fan. You’re-”

“Like a little sister to her,” Ruby finishes, deadpan. “If she ever said anything to hurt me, Yang would kick her ass, Weiss. Besides, Blake is just being nice. ‘S what family does.”

“I have an older sister, too, Ruby, just because my family is fucked up doesn’t mean-”

“Your family is mean!” Ruby flops back onto the bed. Her voice wobbles no matter how she wishes it wouldn’t. “Blake and Yang are _nice._ They’re just being nice.”

“Bullshit, Ruby.” Weiss straddles her. “Really? They love you. Would they really lie just to spare your feelings?”

 _“Yes_!” Ruby throws her off, and Weiss flops gracelessly onto a pillow halfway out of its case. “I _know_ they’re lying! I’m not that stupid! You don’t think I can’t tell when Yang is wearing the kiddy gloves? I remember being a kid, Weiss. I remember the way she cringed when I first wore a dress in front of dad, when she told me I looked pretty when I looked like a clown in her makeup, when I got all dressed up to go to Beacon High’s school dance alone-”

“Enough!” Weiss snaps.

Ruby barrels on regardless. “It’s like that _all the time,_ Weiss. _Everyone_ is like that. ‘Oh, Ruby, what a beautiful young woman you’ve grown up to be!’ ‘You’re so brave! You got so pretty!’ ‘Ruby, what a pretty name for a pretty girl!’ They’re being nice because I’m _trans,_ Weiss.”

“They’re not.”

“They _are!”_ Ruby’s glare is icy. She blinks away tears of mascara. “It’s a formality, Weiss. Nobody wants to crush my dreams and tell me they thought I was a boy in a skirt, that I’m repulsive, that I’m the weird creepy goth in the corner, ‘cause if they tell me the truth, Yang’s going to punch them.”

“Nobody thinks that.” Weiss waves a hand dismissively as she fixes the loose pillowcase.

“You wouldn’t know.”

“Neither would you,” Weiss retorts. “You can’t read minds, and neither can I.”

“People treat me different when Yang’s not around.” Ruby’s voice is quiet, almost inaudible. “After she graduated, when she went off to college, when it was only me-”

“Children are cruel,” Weiss says. She fluffs the pillow. “Don’t put stock in the words of high school bullies instead of the people who love you.”

“Weiss, I’ve told you you’re the first person who was ever interested in me, right?”

Weiss cocks her head. “Yes, but-”

“You’re not the only person who ever asked m-me out.” Ruby can feel the frog in her throat as her tears threaten to spill from the soft trickle to a full-blown sob. Her words are thick, hard to get out. “I- I can’t tell when people are mocking me, I don’t get social cues, I c-can’t… Weiss, I’ve been asked out as a joke m-more than for real.”

Weiss’s breath hitches.

“I just wanted to fit in,” Ruby sobs, “I just wanted to be normal, s-so I said _yes_ and I had my first date and then they t-told me it was a _dare._ It was a _pity date_ on a dare.”

“You didn’t deserve that,” Weiss says. The words feel hollow on her tongue, but she can’t think of what else to say.

“It was a _prank._ Everyone was in on it. Everyone knew but me.”

“Ruby, I’m so sorr-”

“And it happened _again!”_ Ruby clutches at her hair, eyes clenched shut as if it could stop her crying. “It happened _again_ because it’s _funny._ It’s funny that anybody could like the weird girl who skipped a grade, the ugly girl, the trans girl, the autistic girl, and you know what’s even _funnier,_ Weiss?” Ruby opens her eyes. They’re red, irritated by her freely-running mascara. “What’s funnier is that I _believed_ them. I fell for it _twice._ Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twi-”

“Ruby,” Weiss says, calmly, putting a hand on Ruby’s knee. She flinches at the cold fingers. “Ruby, it’s not your fault.”

“It doesn’t matter.” Ruby looks away. “It’s not like it was much better with Yang around.”

“Tell me.”

Ruby’s lower lip quivers. “You wouldn’t understand.”

“Try me.”

Ruby looks over her shoulder. Weiss is nonplussed, icy eyes wide and focused. “Ruby, tell me.”

“I-” she starts, but that’s as much as she can manage before she has to choke down a sob. She sniffles, but it sounds like a honk, her nose is stuffed. She has to breathe through her mouth, shakily, and some part of her almost regrets not taking off her corset when she had the chance. “Do you know how many times I liked somebody and they asked me for Yang’s number?”

Weiss’s jaw drops. “Ruby, I-”

“And- and I can’t help but think-” Ruby gasps for air. “If I’d been cis, l-like her, if I’d been allistic, if…” She sniffles. “D-do you see why I can’t believe it when Yang says that I’m pretty? She’s a b-blonde bombshell and I’m- I’m _me._ People apologized when they’d ask me for Yang’s number, y’know? They _knew_ it hurt me but they were too scared of getting hurt to ask her directly.”

“What… _assholes,_ ” Weiss says. “They just… Just like that?”

Ruby nodded. “I- I told one of the girls I liked her once. When she asked me for Yang’s number, and she just- she tried to let me down easy. She said somebody would like me, someday, y’know? ‘You’re pretty, Ruby, somebody’s dream girl, just not mine, hmm?’”

Weiss pulls Ruby into a hug. She can’t think of anything to say. There’s nothing she _can_ say.

“Th-then, next year, the dare-” Ruby pushes Weiss away, sniffling. She wipes her nose on the back of her hand. “Sorry, I- I don’t wanna get snot-”

“Clothes can be washed.” Weiss pulls Ruby in a second time. “You’re more important to me than this top.”

“Y-you’re so good to me,” Ruby sniffles. “I don’t deserve you.”

“You’ve suffered enough, Ruby.”

“Y-you deserve somebody better than me. Without all my issues.”

“We deserve each other.” Weiss squeezes her tighter. “I know how it feels to be unwanted, too, you know.”

“No way,” Ruby says. She tries to breathe through her nose, only to honk again, _way_ too close to Weiss’s ear. “S-sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Weiss says, maybe too quickly. “I was _never_ asked out, Ruby.”

“Jaune though.”

“Jaune doesn’t count!” Weiss snaps, releasing Ruby from her clutches just long enough to flick her nose. “Being an heiress, people always talked about my beauty, the jewelry around my neck, but never the person I was inside. I was an _object,_ Ruby. Father poured thousands of dollars into beauty products for me so _he_ could look all the better for it.”

“‘S not the same,” Ruby mutters.

“I know it’s not the same, but it left me lonely nonetheless,” Weiss snaps, “how do you know you’re not in a similar situation? Nobody approached me because Father wanted to make me seem like some ethereal, unobtainable princess, a prize to be won. Pyrrha says she felt the same way! People were scared to talk to her, they put her on a pedestal for being on those cereal boxes. She thought she was _ugly,_ Ruby! _Pyrrha,_ because nobody ever asked her out!” Weiss chuckles. “She thought it was because she was too tall!”

Ruby can’t keep herself from smiling through her tears. “She _is_ tall.”

“And all the more beautiful for it,” Weiss affirms, laughing again. “Some boys are idiots, afraid of being emasculated. Ruby, I think the same thing happened to you.”

“I’m short,” Ruby mutters.

“You’re talented,” Weiss says, as if it should be obvious. “As much of a dunce as you are, you merely lack common sense. You’re smart, Ruby, you skipped a grade! You built Crescent Rose from scratch-”

“So what if I built myself a PC, Weiss? Guys are supposed to _like_ gamer girls.”

“You _intimidated_ them, Ruby.”

Ruby barks out a mirthless laugh. “Me? Intimidating?”

“Yes,” Weiss says. She juts out her chin. “You’re a pretty girl and smarter than your peers. I find you solidly in my league, so to speak, and if I’m intimidating, it stands to follow-”

“I’m not intimidating!” Ruby snaps. “I’ve been asked out as a prank _multiple times._ I’m not some unapproachable goddess like you, Weiss. People _chose_ not to ask me out. Nobody wanted me.”

“Of course they did. They just assumed, correctly, might I add, that you were out of their league, that-”

“Weiss!” Ruby spins away violently enough that her hair slaps Weiss in the face. She’s too started to say anything about it. “Weiss, nobody wanted me. Nobody has _ever_ given me unwanted attention. I’ve never been objectified like you, put on a pedestal.”

“Objectification is deeply unpleasant,” Weiss mutters. 

“I _know!”_ Ruby half-sobs into the crook of her elbow. “I know Blake, Weiss. I’ve heard her talk about how misogynistic it is when gross dudes try to slide into her DMs or they leer and shout at her on the street-”

“Catcalling,” Weiss smiles. “Because she’s a cat faunus?”

“I’ve been _outside_ with Yang,” Ruby says, as if Weiss said nothing at all. “It’s like people can’t control themselves around her, like she magically makes people turn into gross assholes just because she has _t-tits-_ ”

“Ruby!”

“I _know_ I’m stupid!” Ruby shouts. She takes a deep, shaky breath in the uncomfortable silence. Sniffles. Wipes her nose on her hand. “I know it’s dumb to be upset that I _don’t_ get harassed. That I can go about my day without being reduced to my body. B-but I know it’s not about looks. I know it’s about power dynamics or whatever Blake says, but to me that just means…” She trails off.

“Ruby?”

“It’s stupid, I know.”

“Ruby, you can tell me. I promise not to judge you.”

“I- I-” Ruby swallows, and it sounds halfway to a gurgling death rattle. “If it’s not about looks, it means th-these guys just have low standards, and I d- I don’t even meet _those.”_ Her nose is fully clogged by now, as if she was sick. “Nobody wants me. Not even the _grossest-”_

“Ruby.” Weiss’s voice is soft, but it shuts Ruby up almost instantly. “Do not base your self-worth on the opinions of the most base, foul, _lecherous_ scum unworthy to lick your boot! Don’t you dare! You believe those who love you most are lying to spare your heart, but strangers who only see you from fifty feet away think you’re repulsive at a single glance? Do you _hear_ yourself right now? Is this what you would tell another girl?”

“Of course not,” Ruby mumbles. “But-”

“Then don’t tell it to yourself!”

“But I would _lie!”_ Ruby sobs. “I- I don’t ever want to hurt anyone’s feelings.”

“That’s because you value being nice too much,” Weiss scoffs.

“Blake and Yang are nice, too,” Ruby says. “If I can say somebody is pretty when I don’t think they are, just to be nice, my sister can-”

“Your sister has a temper,” Weiss laughs. “Ruby, she’s not just being nice. Most people aren’t as gentle as you and your little white lies. You’re _pretty._ There’s no grand conspiracy to try and make you feel better about yourself because _nobody is that nice._ ”

“I-”

“You’re too good for this world, Ruby,” Weiss says, wrapping her arms around her. 

Ruby chokes back a sob. She curls herself into a ball, tucking her forehead against her knees, burying her face in her hands. “‘M not pretty.”

“You don’t want to believe it, do you?” Weiss asks as though she already knows the answer. Ruby shakes her head, rubbing her hair against her knees, but Weiss ignores her. “You don’t want to believe that you were treated unjustly. That you were wrong, that you were hating yourself for being ugly when you were so beautiful this whole time.”

“‘M noooot!”

“You don’t want to think about all the time you’ve wasted.” Weiss runs her fingers through Ruby’s hair. “You spent so much time and energy being cruel to yourself over imaginary flaws.”

“‘M not-”

“Ruby Rose, you absolute dolt, you were such a dunce that you thought you weren’t pretty.”

Ruby sobs, but it’s different now. She doesn’t hold back, cries into her open palms as if her black tears are the poison she’s expelling from her body. She feels like a baby, bawling in front of Weiss like this, moaning into her hands until her spit mingles with her snot and tears between her fingers. She tries to swallow. Fails. Her head pounds, but she hasn’t cried her eyes out yet, not enough, not when she still hurts like this. Her heart is raw and bloody, exposed despite it all.

And all the while, Weiss is with her, an arm around her shoulder, cooing softly in her ear. She unlaces Ruby’s corset, watching as her chest rises and falls, the muscles of her back rippling as she cries. Ruby doesn’t protest as Weiss tugs her socks off, leaving her in naught but her undershirt and skirt.

“I want you to come take a shower with me,” Weiss says, a gentle hand between Ruby’s shoulder blades, just above where her tank top covers her skin. “Let me see you without your makeup. Without your corset. Everything you cover yourself up with. Let me see how beautiful you are, Ruby.”

Ruby swallows. Takes a deep breath. “Okay.”

The temperature Weiss chooses is colder than Ruby normally would’ve used. Warm enough to fog up the mirror, that Ruby doesn’t have to see herself naked when she gets out of the shower, but the water doesn’t scald her back the way she wants it to. Weiss makes her face the shower, rinse her face. The water comes away stained gray with what’s left of her mascara. Ruby can’t do much else but stand there, only half aware of Weiss muttering to herself and rummaging through Yang’s umpteen bottles of hair products for whatever gunk she winds up massaging into Ruby’s scalp. 

“You’re beautiful, Ruby,” she says. Ruby doesn’t reply, but she probably wasn’t expecting a response anyway.

“I wish you could see what I see.” Ruby jumps, feeling Weiss’s soapy hands running up her back. “Your body is perfect, Ruby. Soft and smooth and warm. Not a blemish on it. Do you know how many pimples I used to have? Father put me on so many medications and lotions to cover them up, but you’re perfect, Ruby.” Weiss chuckles, hugging Ruby from behind, rubbing the soap across her stomach. “You have the perfect little tummy. It’s a perfect pillow. I don’t see why you hide it with that corset.”

“Eep!” Ruby tenses as Weiss’s hands move upward, cupping her breasts.

“I’m jealous of your chest, you know,” Weiss says with an unfairly casual voice. “Your hormones have been kind to you, filling out your figure like this, I’m just wiry. My pectoral muscles are twice the size of whatever breast tissue I possess.”

“Your chest is perfect,” Ruby mumbles. “You’re perfect.”

Weiss lets out a soft chuckle behind her. “You’re so quick to come to my defense. So kind to me.” She moves to wash Ruby’s hips. “Why can’t you be this kind to yourself?”

Ruby sniffles, hoping Weiss can’t hear it over the sound of the running water. She jumps again as Weiss’s hands find her rear. “Your hormones _have_ been kind to you,” she whispers into Ruby’s blushing ear. “I really _must_ remind how how much I adore the RuBooty.”

“Weiss!”

“I know, I-”

“You _promised_ you wouldn’t say that again!” Ruby whines, burying her face in her hands. “God, I- you can’t just-”

Weiss laughs softly and Ruby feels the vibrations of her voice in the shell of her ear. She knows Weiss must be on her tiptoes if her lips can reach her ear, if she can feel her girlfriend’s breath against her skin, the smile on her voice.

“You’re beautiful, Ruby,” Weiss whispers.

“I love you, Weiss.”

“I love you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> Anyways. If you want more trans!ruby angst and hurt/comfort, I'm your gal. Just let me know in the comments or on my tumblr, also velocibirb.


End file.
